Monday, September 18, 2006

Job No. 16 - English Instructor

Well, I was browsing my way through the, ever popular, Divers Jobs website when I happened upon a job of that was truly mind blowing! How a job like this lay hidden away in a dark recess between a Dive Mechanic vacancy and a Volunteer Scuba Journalist position I'll never know! You see, I had found:

English (native) Instructor for the Red Sea...

How was it possible to pass up a vacancy like this? Just think of the plaudits, the fame and the adulation if I were to actually succeed? No one (as far as I know - please feel free to correct me on this) has ever managed to teach even a small body of water the most rudimentary language skills. Therefore, to teach English to a sea that measures over 170,000 square miles is an undertaking of vast proportions...

I knew that, to get a job this special, I would need to write a very impressive application letter:

I am writing to apply for the position of English (native) instructor for the Red Sea as advertised on the Diver Jobs website – I have attached a photo as requested in the ad.

I am a keen swimmer and first scuba dived at the age of 12. I possess GCSE and A-Levels in both English Language and Literature and, while I have no direct experience of hydrolinguistics, I admire the scale and breathtaking scope of your undertaking and would dearly like to be a part of your team.

I await your response with considerable eagerness.

Regards

Oliver.

I didn't think I should mention the fact that the first time I scuba dived (aged 12 in the deep end of Haden Hill Swimming Pool) was also the last...

The job would be based in Sharm El Sheikh and the contract would be for 1-3 years. I'm not sure how much they would have expected me to teach the Red Sea in that length of time but I am hoping to have it, at least, on a conversational par with George Bush...

6 comments:

Christa said...

lol...well, good luck with the application :D

Oliver Davies said...

Thank you - I think this could be the one!

Tenacity said...

http://www.paulaner.de/htm_seiten/index-stellen.htm

Be a beer brewer in munich!

Flora said...

Lol Olly, I think you would be able to surpass George W. easily in that amount of time. I'm not sure he really speaks English, actually. Good luck...

Flora

Anonymous said...

Hydrolinguistics is indeed a fascinating field of study. After much effort I taught a small puddle on the pavement outside my house to say the word "splish". Unfortunately the puddle dried up the next day so my scientific breakthrough can never be verified. Such is the burden of the dedicated hydrolinguist.

Oliver Davies said...

Are you sure it dried up? Perhaps, blessed with a sudden burst of (admittedly limited) literacy, it wandered off to begin a career as a writer for The Sun...