Friday, September 22, 2006

Job No. 20 - Financial Headhunter

The City of London has long been considered as the financial capital of Europe; it is a world where hundreds of thousands of financial exchanges are made every day and where six figure bonuses have become common place. But it is also a world that teems with too many financial workers, a world where money has subverted Darwinian selection and where only drastic solutions can begin to restore the natural balance. At least, that's the assumption I've made having applied for the job of Financial Headhunter.

I imagine that, like the incredibly popular congestion charge, this is another Mayoral policy that is designed to humanely cull the number of financial workers. Head hunting seems to me to be a little on the barbaric side - I would suggest some form of baited trap (perhaps a discarded copy of the Financial Times leading to some poisoned sushi?) - but I am, unfortunately, not the one setting the policy and I suppose they need the heads for purposes of identification.

Due to the fact that head hunting has not been widely practised since the mid-20th century, even amongst South Asian tribesman, I feel my lack of experience in the area need not hold me back. However, my biggest worry is the legality of the whole business - removing heads in any other situation tends to lead to an unpleasant loss of liberty - so I was keen to press the recruitment company for more details in this area especially...

Hi Holly

I wish to apply for the position of Financial Headhunter, as advertised on the Guardian website, and have attached a recent CV for your consideration.

Although I do not posses direct experience of the role, I am very familiar with the practise and believe that my natural, seeking instincts would serve me well in this environment. However, the only query I had relates to the legal side of the practise – I’m assuming that all targets are officially sanctioned and that there is no danger of approaching the wrong person? After all, I know the legal side of this business can sometimes be something of a grey area!

I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards

Oliver.

As ever, I am positively brimming with confidence but have decided to wait until I hear back from Holly before popping to B&Q for that hacksaw and pack of heavy-duty refuse sacks...

4 comments:

Christa said...

So is there a special head you are planning on hunting...or just heads in general? :p

Avalon Harlow said...

I've just spent the morning (a Saturday, no less) reading through your blog. It is inspired! I just recently resigned from the third job in 2 years, and I can't tell you how much I'd love to have embarked upon a journey such as yours.

Anyway, looking forward to seeing the remaining 80 jobs. In the meantime, have a look at this one, which I spotted on reed this morning ;)

TheThirdPoliceman said...

I started giggling even when I saw what job you'd applied for. I mean, how much scope for comedy is there with a "headhunter".

I love the way you write covering letters that leave us in no doubt that you're taking the piss, but that you know are perfectly plausible in the eyes of the recruiter. I'l give you 10/1 that Holly will take your letter absolutely seriously the same way that Steve missed the point with the "Heavyweight" string of emails.

Oliver Davies said...

Holly seems rather shy so far...

...perhaps she knows Steve?