Today was a bit of a strange day in the sphere of job hunting...
First of all, I was meandering my way through the film and television roles that are currently being cast at Mandy's Film & TV Production Directory when I happened across a role that seemed absolutely perfect for me in a short film called Dragonfly, which was described as follows:
"The film follows an oblivious sleeping man in bed as he is transported out of his bedroom through the countryside and finally positioned on a stage in front of a full house of avid theatre goers. Surreal and Slightly Absurd"
Obviously, there was only one part in the film that interested me and I was amazed to find that the description of the person they were looking for to be their sleeping man wasn't a million miles away from me:
"Male, 31-40yrs old, any ethnicity. A young dreamer with a subtly funny face, curly hair. Afro would be good."
Ok, so I haven't got an Afro and some would argue that there is little subtle about the funniness of my face but - apart from that - I'm surely made for the part. And, for those of you saying 'But Oliver, you've never acted in your life, apart from in the school play when you were eight (which doesn't really count)' I refer you again to the film description...
My role entails sleeping. In a bed. While being carried around.
Obviously, I'll be asking the Director what my motivation is in sleeping all this time - and will be depriving myself of sleep for six days prior to the shoot so I can be as authentic as possible. I put it to you that they will struggle to find another 31-40 year old, curly haired, subtly funny faced dreamer with anywhere near the amount of screen presence I'd bring to the role...
However, since that application felt like little more than half a job application (especially as it's low/no pay!) I decided to follow the advice of Gill who suggested, in my comments, that I keep an eye out for a daydreamer/poet position and decided since I had the dreamer part, I now needed to find a poetry vacancy...
Well, I cheated. Not a lot. Just a little tiny bit.
You see, I didn't find a poetry job, but I did find a poetry contest - so I figured that one low paid acting role and one poetry contest when added together just about averaged a full application...
My task for the poetry contest was to submit a poem of no more than twenty lines, on any subject, in any style. Therefore, I decided to pull out the dependable old rhyming couplets and write a poem about my blog...
This is a story, in just twenty lines
About a man who, for one hundred times
Applied for jobs he didn't quite suit
After being out of work (frankly, they gave him the boot)
He sat down and wrote a fantastic CV
Then applied and applied for all he could see
That he was lacking in skills, mattered not a jot
Good job and bad jobs, he applied for the lot
He'd sit by his PC and wait for an answer
(and even applied as lap(stroke)pole dancer)
A Director of NASA and an officer of correction,
Assistant to Stephen Hawking (providing reflection)
Thrash metal guitarist, presenting news on TV
Just a few of things he attempted to be
People would ask him, are you quite mad?
But he told them that it stopped him feeling so sad.
As time went on, his madness grew deeper
(and applied as a part-time Antelope Keeper)
How this story ends, it's still hard to say,
But he'd love a writing gig (with really good pay!)
You never know, maybe there's an opening for a deputy Poet Laureate somewhere?