Thursday, October 26, 2006

Job No. 54 - Flight Instructor

This evening, while exploring the wonders of an assortment of recruitment sites, I found myself confronted with a job that sounded as if it would require somebody with, not only immense charisma and confidence, but also a unique talent - Solid Waste Practise Leader with LFR...

Now, this struck me as a rather personal matter for one to have to deal with on a daily basis - in fact, I imagine it could be quite a strain when you consider that the position requires for you to 'mentor and develop staff'. I anticipate this would be accomplished during some form of group session - with you leading by example, before encouraging the group to demonstrate their abilities. Although, with such a demanding job, if you were to achieve all of your goals, you would likely be flushed with success...

However, to me, it felt like a role where I just be going through the motions all day - so I decided to cast about some more for a vacancy that suited me a little better...

Drawing upon the inspiration of the old adage "those that can do; those that can't, teach." I took it upon myself to apply to be a Flight Instructor for the Phoenix East Aviation Flight School.

Now, I've played Microsoft Flight Simulator once or twice, and it seems to me to be quite easy - apart from the fact that, contrary to expectations, pushing up on the joystick makes the plane go down and pushing down on the joystick makes the plane go up. That seems rather silly to me, but I'm sure I'll get used to it given enough time...

Besides, I've watched enough movies to know that, apart from taking off and landing, all the pilots do for the rest of the time is stick the plane on autopilot, put their feet up, and then plot how best to seduce an air hostess when they land. Thankfully, the seduction aspect is part of the 'on the job' training so I will chiefly have to teach them how to switch the autopilot on and how to put their feet up (preferably without disengaging said autopilot).

Taking off and landing is meant to be a little more difficult - especially when you get mixed up between the up and down controls - but I think the former is largely a case of putting your foot down and giving the joystick a good yank, while the latter just involves following the white lines (but stopping before the big terminal building at the end). However, to be on the safe side, I'm going to pop a copy of Ace Combat 5 on my PS2 later and get to grips with some of the more acrobatic manoeuvres - I'm sure they'll so impressed by the fact that I know how to execute a full barrel roll that they won't bother to ask me whether I can take off and land...

Another area of flight instruction that I'm happy to be involved in is tutoring the dos and don't of airline speak - for example it is perfectly acceptable for the Captain to say "We are experiencing some technical difficulties and will be forced to make an unscheduled landing to resolve these; there is no reason to worry and we apologise for any inconvenience this may cause you." but considerably less acceptable for the Captain to say. "The engines are a tad buggered, we're looking for somewhere vaguely flat to put down - but, frankly, it would be helpful if you knew how to swim..."

With such a combination of manual dexterity and piloting etiquette, I'm sure the Phoenix East Aviation Flight School will have a hard time turning me down...

3 comments:

Archanejil said...

kudos!

Sounds entertaining if a bit lethal...

Incidentally, I'm with my friend that if I win the lottery, I'll send you to the states for your interview. Plus, my parents used to live there so you could have somewhere to crash -- though it'd be in alabama, which is about 3,000 miles away.

But it's the thought that counts, right?

Incidentally, I think the job I had the interview for tried to call me this morning. When I was having a blood test. And I'm a bit terrified of needles. So I didn't pick up. So I guess if it was good, they'll call back. And if not, oh well, I at least got an interview!

x

Berry said...

If I learnt nothing else from Snakes On A Plane it's that a few hours of Microsoft Flight Sim is more than adequate to safely land a passenger airliner.

Oliver Davies said...

Archanejil - taking off in Florida and crashing in Alabama sounds about par for the course with my flying experience! Guessing you didn't win the lottery! :-)