Monday, October 02, 2006

Week 4 - Update

This week I heard back from a couple of people - including a nice little postcard from NASA that told me that I hadn't got the job due to not being a US Citizen. I'm not sure whether or not this was the only reason they passed on me but I feel I can now openly boast that I lost out on being Deputy Director of the Exploration of the Universe Division due to a mere technicality!

The real highlight of this week, however, was when I opened my inbox to find that I had received an email back with regard to my application as a Lap/Pole Dancer asking me to ring them back and discuss the position. So, this morning, I decided to take them up on their offer and gave them a call. In order to protect their privacy, I will call the person I spoke to 'Bob; below, I have transcribed a small section of our conversation:

Me: Hi, this is Oliver I wrote to you about the lap/pole dancing vacancy - you asked me to give you a ring...

Bob: Ok, what would you like to know about it?

Me: Is it still open?

Bob: Yes, the vacancy is still open - why do you have any girls in mind?

Me: No, I applied for it myself...

Bob: Oh (long pause). You see only (pause)...we only have women dancing...umm... it's a women's club - I mean, it's a gentleman's club so we only have women...

Me: Oh right...no possibility at all?

Bob: No. Umm...you know, no ladies actually come to club, we only have men who come so no, we wouldn't take on a male dancer...

Me: Maybe if I auditioned? I'm quite good...


At which point, Bob (perhaps sensing the conversation was veering well away from him) decided to helpfully dig out the details of a club in Birmingham that did employ male pole dancers once a month...

I am more than a little sad that I have been so cruelly persecuted this week - first I was blatantly ignored due to my nationality and then I was overlooked simply because of my gender. All I need now is for Stephen Hawking to get back in touch and tell me he won't hire because he doesn't like my taste in music...

4 comments:

lemoncurd said...

Chin up, Oliver - you can always go freelance! Just look at the targetted Google ads at the bottom of this page!

X-Pole Dance Pole
The Ultimate in Professional Poles Adjustable, Removeable, Upgradeable


I'm ever so slightly perplexed as to what `upgrade' paths there are. Gold plating, perhaps?

Dave Southall said...

Brilliant!

Your blog just gets better. Hugely entertaining stuff.

Anonymous said...

The upgrades are a titanium plated option, which in fact are gold in colour. This coating makes the pole more grippy. Also you can get extention upgrades, which allows you have a longer pole.

I have a extended titanium X-pole in my gym (the 13ft goldern lady).

Oliver you are welcome to come try out for the postion of pole dance intructor.

Oliver Davies said...

That is a very tempting offer! I'm not sure how good an instructor I'd make though - I'd push people to get to my standard! :-)