Saturday, November 04, 2006

Job No. 63 - Golf Course Ranger

I always enjoy it when I find a job that is clearly trying to dress itself up; a job with which the duties are obviously quite mundane and where the organisation has decided to make it look more important by simply giving it a particularly fancy title...

A case in point is a vacancy I found on The Times job website - New Openings Director for Premier Travel Inn - which can only be a doorman position that has been spray painted in gold and then had a couple of pretty pink ribbons attached. Admittedly, the salary is rather high for a doorman, but it is just another example of the way in which companies are making tedious jobs sound more attractive by giving them a trumped up name. Consequently, despite the £100k salary on offer, I decided to favour substance over style and instead hunt for a job in which I would be the owner of a job title entirely free of obfuscation...

Having enjoyed J.R.R Tolkien's Lord of the Rings considerably, I was nearly overwhelmed with joy when I saw a position that would enable me to join of the most elite groups mentioned within the book - Golf Course Ranger with the Hyatt Regency Hill Country Resort...

The Northern Rangers were one of the most secretive organisations in Middle Earth - led by Aragorn during the time of Lord of the Rings - and there is little available information on what happened to them after the fall of Sauron. However, it is now clear that at least some of their number have moved into the protection of golf courses in the Texas area.

Tom Bombadil had the following to say about Rangers:

"Few now remember them...yet still some go wandering, sons of forgotten Kings walking in loneliness, guarding from evil things folk that are heedless."

Now, having played a few rounds as a child on Sandwell Municipal Golf Course, I can assure you that the golf course can indeed be an environment in which heedless folks need guarding from evil things (in fact, I'm not entirely sure whether I may have been playing my round behind a couple of Orcs the last time I was there). In addition, I felt sure that being equipped with the Sword of Anduril would not only allow me to deal with any Balrogs I might encounter but, also, act as a clear deterrent to players who might otherwise take too long on their tee shots...

In my application, I wanted to let the Hyatt Regency Hill Country Resort know that I appreciated the gravity of the position being offered and that, despite only being paid $6.75 an hour, I would be honoured to bear the famous cloak of the Rangers; ever ready to prevent marauding hordes of Uruk-Hai from disturbing patrons on the greens:

Dear Sir/Madam

I wish to apply for the position of Golf Course Ranger and have attached my most recent resume for your consideration...

I appreciate the importance of the role and believe that I would be capable of upholding the fine and venerable traditions.

I believe guests at the golf course need to feel safe and secure within the environment and the Golf Course Ranger can help ensure that is the case so that guests can enjoy their experience without worrying about unnecessary interruptions to their play.

I would be proud to don the Golf Course Ranger uniform and do my utmost to guard both the courses and the heedless.

Regards

Oliver.


With my application sent, I now await my call to arms - ready to oppose the forces of evil and aid the vulnerable of Texas, both on the green and in the rough...

1 comment:

runewake2 said...

And I thought I was having trouble getting a job...